Thank's for paying us a visit. Perhaps you've been unlucky enough to meet us on one of our trips, been an honorary member in the past, one of us owes you some money or that thing you typed into the search engine brought you here by mistake.

We don't really mind (or care) how you found us, but now you have, take a look around and enjoy our site.... Our latest innovation is our 'Ski Guide', the first useful and semi-serious service we've offered. Take a look by clicking on the menu on the left hand side of the page.

On the left is the original official gathering of the W.A.N.K.E.R.S. which took place in Chamonix in 1999.

W.A.N.K.E.R.S. was officially formed in 1999 on a scientific research mission to Chamonix, though an unofficial group of the founder members had been operating subversively since 1992.

The group's official members are:

Chairman:

John 'Xtra Pleasure' Moon

'Members':

David 'Natural' Mears
Adrian 'Sensitive' Langley
Ian 'Intensity' Wordsworth (now deceased)
Hans 'Super Strong' (Defro) Johnson.


From time to time the organisation has recruited various temporary members to assist with its research. Amazingly, it is also sometimes possible to become a W.A.N.K.E.R. without even knowing it. Some of the people who fall into one of those categories and will now probably regret ever having been involved are:


Dave Bishop (Bish), Dave Mott (Motty), Dave Freeman RIP, (no more Daves now), Maurice Crockett, Granger, Pat Rowland, Roger Somebody or other, Des Purtill (fucking hell, he was a psycho), Jon Kitson, Paul Fowler, Barry ?, Mike Ford, the Vertes Freres, Chris Smith, Todd and Connie and Atomic Kitten.

W.A.N.K.E.R.S. most important mission is a scientific study of the effects on the human body of Tequila mixed with tonic water and subjected to rapid acceleration and deceleration in a confined glass tube in high altitudes, usually at temperatures below freezing.

Following these daily experiments, which usually take place around 7 pm, the W.A.N.K.E.R.S. undertake field training involving the addition of various other solid and liquid substances into the bodies of the members. These experiments are usually carried on throughout the evening/night and will involve much agitation and movement of the subjects bodies, often with loud background noise. These experiments usually carry on until at least 3 am. The members then generally return to the hotel laboratory and will endeavour to bring with them examples of local flora for study, such as small trees in pots. In the absence of this, inanimate objects such as menu boards from local restaurants are often acquired and sent for recycling to other parts of the area.

The following day, the members may often struggle to recall the full effects of their experiments, so in recent years these have tended to be recorded on video camera or film, only to be destroyed upon review of such material.

Another vital part of the W.A.N.K.E.R.S. work is the testing of marketing ideas for various groups and international conglomerates. In recent years, the organisation has acquired a European wide reputation in the area of male contraceptive devices. As below...

How do I become a W.A.N.K.E.R.?

Membership of the main organisation is strictly by invitation only. However, it is sometimes possible to become a temporary W.A.N.K.E.R. As with any new job opportunity, the W.A.N.K.E.R.S. insist you start at the bottom or at least work a week in hand. If you would like to be considered, please send a banker's draft for a lot of money payable to 'slush fund' to the above address.